I posted something yesterday, and received a large backlash for it. Probably about 2/3 of people were unsympathetic, with many going so far as to call me 'whiny', 'passive aggressive', etc. It was extremely painful, isolating, and depressing; it was, literally, insult to injury. And it left me with some serious questions that I have dwelled on for the past twenty four hours. This is my response. This is more for me than anyone else. And the original post, which I am not ashamed of, is included below.
There seem to be two different training philosophies in BJJ.
The first is what I would call the
'competition mindset'. In this one, you treat training as I (mostly) would competition; your primary focus is making your partner tap--period. When you land a submission, you pull until they tap. If they do not tap, it is their fault for not tapping in time.
The second is the philosophy of my training, is a part of what is called
Jita Kyoei (I will explain this more below). In this mindset, one's first concern while training is avoiding injury as much as possible--both to yourself, and your training partner. If I grab an armbar, I pull it to the point of stress, but I will never bring it to the point of breaking. There is a 'good faith' point, where both partners can understand that I can break their arm if I choose, and that even if I won't, they can only continue to attempt to escape because I am being merciful, and they submit because of mutual respect.
Some who don't train like this will argue that this doesn't give my partner the chance to attempt to escape. This isn't my experience. The more experienced the practitioners, and the more mutual sensitivity and understanding, they further they can push this point of goodwill. Essentially, if they can still escape, they try to. But when I pull it down and show 'I could have done what I did, but stronger and faster', they tap out of politeness and understanding. If I'm unable to get that amount of stress in the joint in question, however, that 'good faith zone', they are free to continue trying to escape.
Another objection in the same vein was, 'He doesn't know how far my arm bends, so I have to be responsible for tapping; he can't know when to stop'. I would like to point out that no one above blue belt made this claim (and indeed, on Reddit, I don't remember seeing anyone above blue belt criticize me--not that I'm saying they aren't out there, but it was an interesting observation).
This is, frankly, balderdash for the vast majority of cases. White belts don't know--that's precisely why white belts are so dangerous, and there are many stories of them accidentally injuring their opponent when a move applied way more force than they expected, to a joint that they knew very little about. Frankly, I expect blue belts to be well on this path to understanding, so seeing many blue belts make this claim is disconcerting and disappointing.
But in my experience, the better you get at BJJ, the closer you can get without injury. You get more precise, you develop 'feel' for joints. A white belt should not be pushing joints past the 80% mark. A blue belt should be able to feel about 90~% of the way to 'snap'. A black belt may be able to get within the 98+% envelope. But you can tell. If you are trying, you can feel. The only thing I can imagine is that blue belts who have only ever 'gone for broke' on every sub they work don't notice the nuance in this, because they're never looking for it.
Are there very flexible people out there? Yes. There are some crazy ankle and armbar escape videos at high levels of competition out there that make any grown man wince just looking at (I'm looking at you,
Vinny Magalhaes). Does this matter? Nope. I should always still err on the side of not injuring my training partner. If I am grossly mistaken, and he has an insane injury tolerance for a particular joint, then that tolerance isn't something he needs to practice--it will just save his ass when he screws up. If I find that he keeps trying to escape, even when I
think we're in the goodfaith zone where he should be tapping, I can
ask him why he didn't tap--"Hey, did I not have that armbar in good enough? I thought it felt tight." "Oh, it was solid, I just have crazy difficult to armbar arms. Like, freakishly difficult." "Oh, that's crazy. Could I use you to work on some higher level armbar stuff for edge cases like you?" "Sure, check it out, the only time I've ever been armbarred was when a guy used this technique..."--and so on.
Another problem, I now realize, was my personality and style. I give plain, straightforward descriptions without pandering, and frequently without emotion. This reflects my understanding of the world, for the most part. More emotional people (and I don't mean this as a slight, just as a fact; there it is again...) often read emotion into my writing that isn't there. When people read about me being surprised that the black belt in question didn't hesitate to use his weight to his advantage on me, they read this as coded language--language that 'looks' straightforward, but really has a subtext of trying to manipulate the reader to 'be on my side', subtext of me being irritated but trying to hide it under an imagined 'veil' of neutrality.
Those people probably won't be able to understand that, when I say it was simply an emotionless observation of fact, a simple objective analysis, a perception from a different worldview, it is genuine. For them, such a reality is nearly impossible. They would never write or think like that. They are prone to perceiving worldviews that are impossible for them as merely an 'act' by others. I understand this, because the opposite has been true for me in the past, when I understood them less well. I also have experienced this in real life, resulting in very confusing arguments with former friends, wherein resolution was reached by coming to terms with this.
Another claim made is that it was my fault, because I went for the first toe hold. There is, I admit, some truth to this. However, as I said before, my first priority in my training style is to not injure myself or my training partners; I presumed that even if I made an error, I could count on my partner not hurting me.
Further, for me, reaching for a toehold in front of me was an instinct. As soon as I had grabbed it, however, I had to pause and do an evaluation:
Was this acceptable at this school?
I don't know, so wait for his response before continuing, and/or go very slow.
Was this acceptable at our belt levels?
'Yes' was my conclusion, however some people actually complained that toe holds are forbidden until brown at IBJJF tournaments. While this is news to me, as I've never competed in an IBJJF tournament, I really don't like the IBJJF, nor do I consider them 'the authority' on BJJ... even if you are a 100% IBJJF compliant school, I have a hard time imagining a school where purple belts are not allowed to work toeholds. That being said, of course, I was a guest, so one could imagine, in theory, a school where this would be a problem. If that was the case, however, I would have expected my opponent to stop me, politely, and say something--not proceed to crank on a toehold on me in retaliation.
Was my partner going to be offended by this?
I don't know, since we hadn't discussed it--again, a reason to pause to gauge his response before continuing, and go very slow as I did so.
It is comprehensible that my partner, deciding he doesn't know or trust me, and with a 'competition' training style, decided to then go for a 'near full speed' toehold to counter me, expecting me to tap when necessary, and presuming he was just better than me at toeholds and I sucked at them, since mine was so slow. After all, in a competition, responding to a toehold with a toehold is a reasonable counter--if you can sink it in faster, after all, you still win!
I have done this with straight ankle locks, which are safer than toe holds. I will not do this, however, if my opponent has reached the 'good faith zone'. Then, the only reason I can attempt my submission is because I am taking advantage of the courtesy my partner has extended me. But with a toe hold, I won't grab a counter toe hold unless my opponent clearly has a completely ineffective grasp--it's too dangerous of a move to play chicken with. All of my training partners at my school that I have worked toe holds with have treated this move with great caution and reverence, with great care and sensitivity. As a result, my expectations when going with a stranger were skewed. I expected him to likewise be sensitive to the care of my ankle.
In other words, it turns out I was making another assumption--the assumption that my partner doesn't train using the 'competitor mindset' virtually every time he trains. Perhaps he never had his ego in it especially for/because of me,
because his ego is in it every time--every match is about 'winning'. I have heard of black belts like this. My instructor, a black belt for 7 years, tells me that one guy he trained with long ago, every week for a year, who had 70+ pounds on him, would smash the ever-loving daylights out of him every single time, and never let my instructor tap him once.
Some people will turn their nose up derisively at such an attitude and mock it. Frankly, those people are immature.
Let me tell you two of my most lasting impressions from my first six months of training BJJ.
The first, was my first instructor (a different instructor than my current one, from 10 years ago), a barrel chested monster of a black belt. We literally probably had almost 100 lbs of weight difference between us at the time. The instructor didn't roll with me once for the first couple weeks I was there. When he finally pulled me aside to roll, I was excited, but realized I had nothing to prove, as I knew there was nothing I could do; this man had years of technique on me *and* probably 3-5x my strength. I got in combat base, prepared for a technical roll where I would try my best not to make a complete fool of myself... and he grabs my lapel, yanks it forward full strength, and slams me into a triangle, 100% speed/power. About 3 seconds from start to tap.
I very rarely got the 'privilege' of going with that instructor.
The second was from a blue belt in that class, also an incredibly strong guy. He never once muscled anything with anyone I saw. He was very kind. He was the pinnacle of technique and restraint. If you had something, but he could use his size and strength to escape, he wouldn't--he would be helping you work your game, instead.
Who was the better man?
I'll tell you flat out, my first instructor was an asshole. I didn't realize it until after I left, but seriously,
who does that? Not a mature, well developed human being, interested in teaching more than performing, with nothing to prove. The lesson I took away from that was to expect brutality from him. Survive.
He wasn't studying my game to figure out where could help me. He wasn't trying to guide me to correct technique by his own actions. Those are sophisticated actions of the mindset of a true teacher, and he lacked those.
Lastly, my original posting included the title of the school I was at. Many people at that school took that as a direct attack. While I believe I am perfectly justified in not walking away with a great impression of the school, given that I got my first injury in BJJ on my first day there, from a black belt who, from all appearances (including details not mentioned in this post, though this is another
assumption), was an established member of the school,
I actually did not criticize the school itself. I mention the context, because a fact is a fact--and if they are worried about this happening and being reported, they should worry about preventing it by instilling the proper mindset in their students. Period. I genuinely, truly believe this. I went on to mention that every other roll I had was a good roll. I did nothing to unreasonably vilify the school or its students.
The only other negative thing I mention, and that
is about the school, is that I wasn't a fan of the $20 open mat fee. (What I do not mention is that the lady who walked up to me and told me this did so in a kind of pushy, mildly aggressive manner that also left a bad taste in my mouth.)
Some were offended at the notion that open mats should be free. I have no right to tell someone who is paying to keep a gym open what he can and cannot charge for. I completely agree with that. That's why I didn't tell the gym what they should or should not do--I just mentioned I wasn't a fan.
The idea of charging for open mats doesn't feel right to me. My instructor doesn't run an open mat, by the way, and doesn't like the idea of them. I have never agreed with him on this, but I respectfully defer; it's his gym, he's free to run it as he pleases.
I believe every school should have an open mat, and it should be open to others. I believe you should be able to reject anyone you like, and/or ask where they study. You may have rules where the senior member at the gym rolls with them first to verify they are trustworthy. You may have a minimum outsider rank. You may go over the principles of the club and remind them they should always have the well-being of their partners in mind as their highest priority. You may remind them that this is not a competition. You may remind your own students to be paranoid when rolling with strangers.
I approve of trying to offer money to the host of the open mat when possible, as a guest; though as someone who lacks steady employment at the moment, that is not something I can do every time--at least not $20 worth, which is nearly half of a weeks' groceries for me.
But I'm a hippie at heart. Open mat is a way for the community to cross train between schools, for students to be exposed to other styles, for belt rankings to stay meaningfully consistent between schools, and for everyone in a city to build a shared tribe. It's for hosting travelers. And even if you're a pure capitalist, it's at least building reputation and getting in good free advertising at a grassroots level.
If you disagree, fine, run your gym the way you like. But I am free to not like it, and not show up. I'm not throwing a hissy fit about your decision, and I expect you to do the same for mine.
All of that said, I really don't have anything against that gym. By all accounts, the instructor (who I have never met, and was not at the open mat) is a decent guy, and I had never heard anything bad before, nor have I heard anything bad since, about him or his gym. All I have is an unfortunate personal experience. Hopefully it's a fluke. But the post really wasn't about the gym. It was about an experience of mine, and my interpretation of it, and the lesson I took from it.
----
In Judo, one of the two primary defining maxims of the art is
Jita Kyoei. I referred to this above, in the beginning. It is commonly translated as
Mutual Welfare and Benefit. As one author puts it,
This rei [form of bowing]
is also exemplified in the term omoiyari (thoughtfulness) of Confucious.
Sympathizing with others and not causing them trouble-this is the true spirit of rei. And
this also constitutes the basis of the spirit of Jita Kyoei.
Though I started doing BJJ long before I ever started doing Judo, perhaps I have been doing Judo for long enough that it started to influence my practice of BJJ. Perhaps I matured and trained in a gym with higher standards of respect than other gyms, and forgot that other gyms aren't like this.
BJJ is a direct descendent of Judo. Judo is a remix, if you will, of some flavors of 'Jujutsu' (these days often called "Japanese Jiu Jitsu" to distinguish it from the more popular in America BJJ) that Jigoro Kano learned himself, and some that he absorbed from his students.
When Kano learned Jujutsu, though, as an upper middle class merchant's son, he was basically visiting the underworld in secret. His family disapproved. Jujutsu was the realm of the dying samurai class, who were now known as drunkards, brawlers. They walked around with black eyes on a regular basis. There was no phone book; when he moved away to university, the way Jigoro Kano found a nearby Jujutsu master was by visiting the local bone-setter (before hospitals were commonplace, you had a guy that specialized in casting broken bones to heal right) and asking him.
When he was designing Ju
do, he wanted it to be something that everyone could participate in, because he believed in could make people
better people. And one of the fundamental differences was that it needed a different
philosophy. Most people prefer to translate "Jiu Jitsu" in the most poetic way possible, as "The Gentle Art". This is disingenuous, though. Ju
jitsu, more honestly translated as "techniques of pliancy", was just that--techniques. There was no mindset to it; if there was, it was "Budo", "
the way / of war". Judo, on the other hand, was "
the way / of pliancy". Jita Kyoei, "Mutual welfare and benefit", one of the two core axioms of Judo, changed the entire tone of what a martial art could be. It was a revolutionary principle, and led to it taking over Japan--and, indeed the world.
But it wasn't just about being nice and becoming acceptable to the middle class. It proved itself in 'style vs style' competitions as well (you might remember the origin of the
kimura...), earning the approval of the Japanese police, replacing their Jujutsu curriculum wholesale, and is still practiced by them to this day. It ascended to be
the national incarnation of Jujutsu. In other words,
training can be made more effective, and can be practiced more fully and honestly, when you are practicing with partners you trust and who are taking care of you.
When a judoka learns
tai otoshi, he learns that a common mistake in the way the throw is executed could severely hurt his partner's knee. The proper form, he is taught, avoids this.
The most harmful way is not the correct way. When a judoka learns any throw, he learns to, at the last second before his partner lands, lift on the arm of his partner away from the floor, dampening their fall. In competition, armbars are usually not allowed until brown belt, because the student might not have the sensitivity in the heat of competition to take care of his opponent.
Frankly, I don't want to train with people who don't believe in these principles. Life is too short to risk being a cripple. I intend to be enjoying martial arts well into my old age.
BJJ seems to have, in many schools, lost its noble roots. If mutual welfare and benefit isn't a foundation to the way you train, you're doing it wrong.
~O~
The following is the original post, and originally it included the previous ankle injury post from May 2015 at the end. (I cut this portion off and republished it just as the ankle injury info, for anyone else who ever was subjected to a toehold.)
Almost a week ago, I visited the open mat of a gym I had never been
to before. I had been invited to tag along with some people I met at
another open mat. Not knowing many people, I politely waited to be asked
to roll by others. First, a pleasant roll with a blue belt. Then, a
pause. Then, the only black belt in the room (who, at the time, I
presumed was the gym's owner--this was a mistake, I later realized)
asked me to roll.
We started. My initial impressions
were surprise at how he had no hesitation about taking advantage of our
size differential. Outweighing me by probably at least 60 pounds, and
very likely 75 or more pounds (my 163~ to his 225 or more), and
outranking me by two belts, he had no qualms about knee on belly for an extended amount of time, and
clearly wasn't interested in flowing. I can deal, I'm young and fit, so I
just bide my time, defend his attacks, and get a pretty good escape
attempt that runs us into the wall, so we reset to our knees again.
I
feel like he got pretty frustrated by his inability to create any
credible submission threat in spite of his superior position. This is
one of my strengths; I'm very difficult to submit, and I've spent a lot
of mat time since white belt working in inferior positions under heavy
partners.
This time I will be more vigilant about
preventing him from taking a dominant position. I switch to guard
passing mode instead of guard playing. There is some back and forth, I
believe I got some kind of sweep, and ended up with a footlock
position--a toehold.
I'm a stranger in a strange gym.
I'm going with who I believe is the instructor (I later found out he
wasn't, so I don't know what his relationship to the gym is, if any at
all, to be clear). I don't want to make a bad impression by slamming a
toehold on, so I apply very little pressure at first. My partner
distinctly pauses, looks at it, and then reaches for my foot. This,
frankly, surprises me. I feel like my courtesy is being distinctly taken
advantage of. I briefly instinctively apply a little more pressure, but
am still afraid of applying enough pressure for it to be a real threat.
I feel my opponent's pressure increasing quickly. I try to untangle
quickly to tap, but as I'm releasing my arms, my foot makes a loud
POP sound, and I feel a lot of pain.
What would you do?
I'm
freaked out, and mostly just wanting to reassure myself that I'm not
maimed for life. He starts asking if it's ok, and I try to say 'I don't
know; I think so; I hope so', feeling it, testing it. It seems fine in
most positions. It isn't really sensitive to the touch in any obvious
way. I am initially optimistic that it's fine.
He
ambles away, and I sit there testing out my foot for a minute. It takes
me a while before I build up the courage to try applying a light
pressure on it in the direction of a toe hold, and instantly I notice
the intense sensitivity it has to that direction of motion.
I
kept rolling that day. It doesn't seem to interfere with training much,
except that if anyone shoots for an ankle lock on that foot, I treat it
with 100% paranoia. It feels a lot stiffer the next day, and while I
seem fine 98% of the time, every once in a while I accidentally put
weight on it in a way it doesn't like and experience shooting pain.
I've
never had a partner pull a joint lock on me to the point of injury. I
really expected a black belt to know better--especially one with so many
advantages on me. I remember sensing his frustration that I was giving
him a hard time, and believe his ego refused to let him tap to me, and
he saw countering me with a foot lock as his only way to avoid (in his
mind) humiliation. At the time, I assumed he was an instructor, as well,
doubly making me confident that he wouldn't hurt me, a potential
student/client, in his own gym.
Toeholds are widely
regarded with caution, along with a few other moves; because it is so
dangerous to push them to the limit, when one feels one, one generally
taps if the threat is at all credible, or moves to escape. A
counter-toehold without first escaping the toehold you are in seems, in
sparring, disingenuous, unless your opponent doesn't really have the
toehold at all; all things being equal, first person to get the toehold
wins, and this is not the type of submission that one should play
chicken with.
Regardless, however--if I am just
sparring and I have an armbar, and my opponent won't tap, I still don't
break his arm. And if letting go of that armbar means tapping, I'd still
rather tap than break his arm. Even if my toehold was completely
illegitimate, all else aside, I expected a black belt to understand
this.
Finally, I was doubly confident that one would not be willing to risk hurting a stranger visiting one's gym.
I paid the price for these assumptions.
Please learn from my lesson. And what's more, consider this a reminder to treat toeholds with the caution they deserve.
---------
For
the record, the rest of my rolls were all friendly and fruitful. I
especially enjoyed a roll at the end of the day with a 1st degree black
belt named Carter, and wished I could roll with him more. Unfortunately,
I was informed that after the first free open mat and one free class,
the 'open mats' aren't really open and I would be expected to pay $20 to
come in.
I personally consider this against the spirit of the sport, though of course they are free to do as they please.
It does make the decision to not go back very easy, though.
